


Remembrance

by FaintSoftly



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Abby Hates Herself As Much As Half The Fandom, Dreams and Nightmares, Family Bonding, Gen, I'm Sorry, Lev has PTSD, Mommy Abby, More Sad Than I Expected, Parent-Child Relationship, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Short & Sweet, So Does Abby, Sorry again, Suicidal Thoughts, The Last of Us Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27732424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaintSoftly/pseuds/FaintSoftly
Summary: Just short collections of Abby and Lev doing Abby and Lev things, getting to know each other better over time. Also getting over things. It's going to be cute and also sweet maybe a little sad.
Relationships: Abby & Lev (The Last of Us)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	1. Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my friend Steve <3

They were crossing a stream… One of the many that was guaranteed to appear after a heavy rain. 

The water was high, but there were still plenty of platforms to leap on to cross. Lev had gone before her, she knew that she would just be impeding traffic by making him go behind her. Abby stumbled across the rocks, far less agile than the younger and lighter boy. She also just didn't feel as fast since having to rest after fighting that...woman… among other things. 

Abby had never done so much in her entire life. Fighting for her life for 3 days straight. It had been almost a week since then, but she still felt utterly exhausted. She sighed, calling out to him, even as he was leaps and bounds ahead of her, laughing in a way that made her want to smile as well.

"Hey please watch where you're going! You make me nervous."

"I'm always watching Mot-" Lev stopped as fast as he could, landing on the other side's solid ground, as soon as his brain caught up to what his mouth was about to say, his face fell. He spun around rapidly, eyes full of anxiety and embarrassment. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean- It was an accident. Sorry Abby." Abby hurriedly lumbered across to meet Lev. She placed a hand on his shoulder, trying her best to show that she wasn't bothered by it. 

"No worries. I um...I know you miss your mom." Lev shrugged her hand from his shoulder, turning to where she could only see half of his face. 

"I wouldn't have to miss her."

"Lev."

"It's true."

"Lev don't."

"If I was a better child, a-a better daughter...I wouldn't have to miss her… Or Yara." 

Abby looked down for a moment, unsure of what to say. Her head was running through so many different scenarios, rapid fire. She knew Lev's mother was a sensitive topic for him. 

Yara was a sensitive topic for them both.

"Lev. You're a good kid. The best. It's not your fault what happened to Yara. Or your mom. Any parent would be lucky to have a son like you." 

Lev was picking at the edges of his fingernails anxiously, staring down intently, not making eye contact. He muttered softly, so softly that if Abby had been standing even the tiniest bit further away, she wouldn't have heard. 

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?"

"...Lev. Come on. We should be getting back." 

He nodded and followed close behind her, rather than next to her, a clear and common signal of his that he didn't want to talk. So she didn't press the issue. It was characteristic of the boy to pipe up when he was ready and she walked ahead toward their camp in silence.

Abby never knew what to say when he got like this. She sucked at being comforting. Probably explained why she never had many friends. True, now she didn't really have any. 

She hated when Lev got like this, because she didn't know what to say to make it better. To make it so he was laughing just like he had been a few minutes ago. Abby wasn't clueless of course. She knew very plainly that Lev blamed himself for what happened to his mom and Yara. She also knew that nothing she said to him changed the way he felt. Not really. Maybe in the moment. Maybe for a minute or two. Maybe she could tell him one of her poorly thought out and ultimately unfunny jokes to make him laugh, and he would for a few seconds. 

But still… after that it would be back on his mind. Perhaps not at the forefront, but rather lurking in a dark corner, waiting its turn in line. But always there.

"Abby?"

"Hm?"

"Did you ever want kids?"

Kids. For just a second Mel flashed in her vision. She stumbled for a split second, coughed and kept walking.

"I-I...uhh yeah I guess so at one point. Sometimes I think I still do, but I'm not so sure anymore." 

Lev hummed intuitively at her answer, but didn‘t add anything to follow up, and so, letting her curiosity get the better of her, Abby added on. 

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. It was just on my mind. Hey, there's the ferris wheel. Nearly there." 

They'd been shacking up in the aquarium, just biding the time before they felt as though they had enough to go to Santa Barbara. The thing was, Abby wasn't sure if it was best to drag Lev alongside her all the way to California. Seattle wasn't so bad. It was familiar. Familiar was safe. The WLF and the Seraphites hardly did much of anything anymore after the slaughter. There were less Wolves and even less Seraphites.

Abby never really worried much about running into people anymore. They were easy to avoid now. Places that had been crawling with what was once her own people were now abandoned. As still and stale as when they had been found. There were times when Abby contemplated going back to the WLF. It had been a good place. Issac was dead, which meant they were either quick to reestablish a new leader or they were fighting over it. Abby shook her head gently, thinking about how at one point, if Issac had died, people probably would've wanted her to replace him. She just felt like there was a chance that under new leadership they'd be a different pack of Wolves. They wouldn't have such hard feelings toward her anymore. Or Scars. Still, that felt like a slim chance, and Abby couldn't find it in herself to put Lev at risk any more than she already did everytime they left the aquarium.

Once they got back and locked up behind them, Abby got the feeling she always got every time they came to the aquarium. Knots in her stomach. Lead in her feet. The aquarium was safe, but it wasn't then. Not enough. The blood was gone and so were the bodies, but she felt it as if they were still there. 

"So...Lev. I want to talk to you about something." 

He was sitting on the floor, across the room, fiddling with the string of his bow. He looked up and tilted his head in curiosity.

"Yeah?"

Abby hopped up onto the counter of what was once a reception desk and patted the empty space next to her. 

"Come over here."

"Why are you being serious? If this is about earlier I-"

"Nah we don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. I wanted to ask you about Santa Barbara."

"What about it? When we're going?"

"Yes and no. More of...if you still want to go at all." Lev gave her a bit of a frown after she spoke, settling onto the desk and becoming still. 

"Why wouldn't we?"

"I mean...it could be dangerous. We don't know anything about down there. We don't know if the Fireflies are even out there."

"Yeah, but what if they are? And don't you think we should leave here anyway? It doesn't feel like it did before. I don't like Seattle. I don't know. Are you worried?"

"It's my job to worry. I'm never not worried. You should try to get some rest. I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be a busy day."

"You should too."

Lev hopped down from the counter, landing without a sound and gravitating back over to his bow.

"You don't sleep." 

Abby scoffed, fully aware of how observant he was. 

"Oh yeah? How do you know that?"

"I can hear you walking around the aquarium. Your footsteps echo. You do it all night."

"Yeah okay. I'll try to sleep."


	2. Mel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby is remembering Mel. :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Have a chapter, on me.

Abby slept, but it went how it always seemed to go. Poorly. She fell asleep an hour or two after Lev, making sure he was fully asleep before she even attempted to fall asleep, as she had formed a habit of doing. She was out cold in less than 15 minutes. That’s when the nightmare started. She had been plagued by nightmares for years… ever since her father died. Back then, she had a nightmare every night after seeing his body and it had only just stopped when she saved Yara and Lev. She didn’t even get a chance to enjoy normal sleep before she was back to it.

_ “Hey. Hey. Abby? Earth to Abigail.”  _

_ Abby turned around slowly at the sound of a vaguely familiar voice calling after her, walking forward, toward what felt like nowhere. She looked down at her hands. She was small. Younger. She looked up, at the voice.  _

_ “Mel? Mel.”  _

_ It was a memory, but she knew what she knew now. She couldn’t help but rush forward and grab a hold of the petite woman and squeeze her. _

_ “I’m sorry Melon.”  _

_ She heard a laugh in response.  _

_ “Well since you’re feeling so generous today maybe you can put in a good word for me with Dr. Anderson?” _

_ “Dad? Dad. He’s here? Where is he?” _

_ “I don’t know. Teaching more students I assume. Where else would he be? I’m really struggling with this section.” _

_ “You don’t have to worry about it. Dad says you’re one of his best students. Hang later?” _

_ “Yeah. Always.”  _

_ Then she was different. Or rather, closer to how she was.  _

_ “Abby. Can we talk?”  _

_ Abby didn’t want to talk then. She always wondered whatever happened to them. They used to be friends. Her, Nora, Mel. It was...better. She sat on her bed, shoving things into her backpack, getting ready to go as soon as possible.  _

_ “I’m gonna make a leap and assume Manny let you in.” _

_ “Look. I know Owen told you about the baby. Back in Jackson. I...just...I w- God I’m usually so articulate. I had a whole monologue planned before I came in here.” _

_ Abby slung her bag over her shoulder and stood. _

_ “I have to go. I needed to be out there 5 minutes ago. You know what Issac says. A min-” _

_ “A minute wasted is a life cost. I know. Sorry I...won’t keep you then. S-” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Nothing. Bye.”  _

_ Abby walked to the door and couldn’t open it. She gripped it with both hands and pulled as hard as she could. She wished she listened to what she had to say back then. She turned back to her room. It wasn’t her room. No boxes above the bed, no posters on Manny’s side. It was the aquarium. She couldn’t stop herself from running through the doors even though she knew what was waiting. Owen wasn’t there. Just Mel.  _

_ She stumbled over to her much like she had done in the actual moment. After getting back from the theatre. She thought about how much she wished she didn’t act the way she acted for so long. She had sent Lev away. Too embarrassed. She wished she had just let it go and let Mel back in. She didn’t expect to gravitate toward Mel upon coming back. She scooped her up and just...cradled her. She had always been tiny and, despite Mel carrying the dead weight of a corpse, she was still light. So light she probably held her for half an hour straight.  _

_ “I’m sorry Melon. I’ve been...especially to you. Mostly you.” The room was quiet. Until it wasn’t. _

_ “This is on you Abby. It always will be.” _

She woke with a start. She wasn’t sure how long she’d actually slept, but when she looked up at the window on the ceiling it was still dark. However long it was...it wasn’t enough. She sat up slowly, not even needing to look over to know that Lev was still asleep. She knew she’d get an earful about it tomorrow, but she got up and left the room anyway. She didn’t have any destination in mind. Just to wander until she could get the image of Mel’s bloodied and lifeless face out of her head. It would be a while and she usually just stayed awake until Lev got up and then they started out. She stopped in her tracks upon hearing softer taps of footsteps against the ground. 

“You said you’d sleep.”

“Nope. I said I’d try. And I did. It didn’t go over too well. As you can tell.” 

She gestured to her face, knowing it probably still had a bit of sweat on it.

“Do you want to...talk about it? Was it about your friends?”

“Friend. Mel. You met.”

“The surgeon. She was nice. You guys didn’t seem very...friendly. I didn't know you guys were friends.”

“We uh...we weren’t. Not then. It wasn’t always like that though.”

“Oh. What happened?”

“I don’t know honestly. A stupid guy. Life. You’re just a kid, but future warning, don’t let something like that ruin your friendships.” 

He walked right next to her, that sign that he was ready to talk and keep on talking. 

“You know what? You always call me a kid, but I still don’t know how old you are.”

“Lev! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a lady her age?” 

He stopped walking in shock. He was clearly prepping to apologize. She chuckled and shook her head. 

“No. No wait it’s just a saying. I was kidding. You’ll think I’m old.”

“I won’t! Can I guess?” 

“You can try.”

“Well, I’m 13. Yara was 3 years older than me. I know you’re older than Yara, but I get the feeling that if I guess too high you’ll be mad at me.”

“Correct. You just volunteered to walk into a minefield there kid. Guess wisely.”

“Can I have hints?” 

Abby scoffed and nodded her head in agreement nonchalantly, but was thoroughly entertained to see what the boy would guess. He squinted, furrowing his brows together in thought. 

“Are you older than...20?”

“Yes.”

“By a lot?”

“Not really.”

“Okay I think I know. You are 22.”

“Final answer?”

“Yes. Wait no. You’re...wait yes. That’s it.”

“Close, but not quite. I am 24. I’ll be 25 sometime soon I figure. It’s kind of hard to keep track now with the lack of a calendar, but it’s coming up any day. Yes I know I’m getting old. Save it.” 

He yawned and shook his head.

“I mean we’re not taught to fear age as we grow. It's an experience. It’s life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, you’re not even old.”

“Ah. I can always count on you to quote The Prophet to me when I’m doubting myself. Go back to sleep. You’re still tired. I’ll be a while.”

“Okay.”

Abby didn’t go back to sleep again that night. She couldn’t get Mel’s voice out of her head. There was no way around it. It was her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's Chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed reading it because i had fun writing it!
> 
> I just wanted to do a little Mel nightmare. Have fun thinking about the fact that Abby was literally only nightmare free for a day before they came back. In the flashback where you first play as Abby, if you take a look in her bag you'll see a sweet note from Mel saying they need to hang out again. All that to say, they used to be friends at one point. What happened to Mel absolutely eats her up. Then we get to have more Abby & Lev bonding. It's never explicitly disclosed how old Abby is, so I decided for myself. 
> 
> Anyway, have a happy holiday! Please feed the Author in comments and kudos!


	3. The Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Lev make brief return to the forest where they met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

After a certain point Abby knew they were procrastinating. It had now been a total of 3 weeks since her fight at the theatre and they were still in Seattle. It was just so easy to cling to what she knew. She couldn't figure out why. She was usually so...adventurous wasn't the word. Forward? She did things that needed to be done. Even when she was scared. Now, she couldn't seem to make herself do it like she used to before. The fear was bigger than it used to be. 

"Being here again feels weird. It's so empty." 

Lev commented as they walked through the woods close by the aquarium, searching for leftover supplies likely to have been abandoned by any Seraphites in the area. 

"I can't complain. Better than running from all those infected like before." 

That night in the woods was one that planted itself in her mind. Partially because it was the closest she had ever come to dying in her life, hanging from that rope, straining her hands behind her, every breath she tried to take being futile. There had been many times she came close to dying, but those moments didn't feel the same. She had been able to fight back in those moments. Fight to save herself. Back when she was hanging, the only thing she could rely on were some children she could hardly see deciding to take mercy on her and cut her down. 

Yara and Lev could've let her die. They should've. She probably would've let herself die if she was in their shoes. That night was horrific for the most part. Then there was the other part. It was the night she met Lev and Yara. 

"I remember thinking you were so...scary when I saw you." 

Lev spoke up, almost like he was reading her mind. 

"Me hanging to my death was scary? Wow your standards are low."

"Not that! When I cut you down and you just...fought all those demons with your bare hands. I had never seen someone do something like that. Ever. I had never really seen a Wolf up close before either so…"

"So I was your first impression. Awesome. You know...I hardly remember anything about that night. I remember you two and wondering what the hell you were doing out here. But as far as all that fighting goes...it all went right out of the window when those fights ended." 

The two of them volleyed vague recollections of their first encounter as they walked through the very same forest. That was when Abby realised she did her best subconsciously to not keep memories of things like that. Some of them stayed, of course, but overall that night was a blur. She could mostly recall how she felt with clarity. The actual events and actions that took place were fragments in her mind when she actively tried her hand at visualising them.

Gradually the conversation took its natural turn of fizzling out into silence and they walked quietly. Their footfalls were steady and in sync. Mostly quiet aside from the brush grabbing at their ankles and rustling as they walked by. Then Lev took the liberty to break the silence back up. 

"Abby. Thanks."

"That was random. What for?"

"For helping us that night. For walking beside me now. I still have no idea why you...did it. Why you do it." 

She looked over at Lev. He was scrawny and kept a tactical grip on his bow. His hair had started to grow out the slightest bit. The longer she stared the more she became overwhelmed with a desire to smile. Before she knew it, she felt one crack across her face. 

"You know...I don't actually know why either. But I'm glad I did. So thank you." 

She playfully punched his shoulder which got the smallest of giggles out of him for maybe even less than a millisecond. 

The forest didn't yield many rewards. Just some arrows left lodged in the dirt or on trees, a few random items on the ground. A snack or two. Not a complete waste of time, but not the luckiest find any of them had ever had by any means. They started their journey back through the silent forest and Abby was thinking about what Lev said. Why. In the moment, Abby was just being smart to follow Yara and Lev. They knew where they were going. She didn't. It was simple. Protecting them then meant she had someone to guide her instead of wandering aimlessly through the dark wood. She didn't trust Scars so she didn't truly trust either of them during that time, but you don't have to trust someone to work as a team. Basically, she wasn't stupid. 

Now going back was a choice that made no sense in her head even as she did it. That was stupid. Good stupid in the long run, but still very, very stupid. Abby still couldn't figure out the why on that. Why would she go back through hostile territory to help some people who may not even still be there? Who may or may not even want or need her help. Lev had asked her this question before and her answer had been guilt. Guilt about everything maybe? It was the first explanation that came to her head when he asked her then, but it had to have been something else too. Guilt compelled her to do...and not do many things in her life, but it still didn't feel like the only reason she went back. 

"Lev? Question. What was The Island like before you had to leave?"

"What?"

"The only time I ever saw it for myself was after Issac had already gotten there…"

"Oh right. It was...beautiful. There were never any infected. We just got to live. I wish I could go back sometimes. Just for a little while. But then i-" 

"But then?"

"I liked home. It had Mom and Yara and my friends. It was safe and there was a lot to love, but I felt like a fraud almost every single day. You know?"

"I sure do. That's how most things are in life from what I've seen. According to you I'm not that old, but so far I have learned that nearly everything in life is a trade off. You gave up something. You got something."

"Why can't we ever have both? Why do we always have to give something up? It's not fair." 

He looked down, kicking a small rock forward in minor frustration. His brows were squished together, making small wrinkles in the middle as he squinted in disappointment. He looked young. A child, confused with the world. Like he actually was. 

"I know it is. Trust me. I know. Anything I can do to cheer you up when we get back?" 

The trade off decimated her, considering where she was now. Her revenge for her friends. Her freedom to finally make her own choices and be more than a soldier for her home. Her survival for her will to live. 

"Maybe...you could...sing that song you sang for Yara? When we walked to the aquarium?"

Abby comically groaned in apprehension.

"We'll see. You do know there are other songs right?"

"It was the first Old World song I heard. And it's nice. Please?"

"We will see."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a...strong maybe. Walk ahead of me so I can think." 

Abby was definitely going to end up singing. No matter how much she played up her annoyance, she didn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was keen to know, the song I had in mind was Like A Star by Corrine Bailey Rae.
> 
> This chapter was nice to write and remember first impressions. I just love these two what can I say? Also some of you may be able to notice that the total amount of chapters went from "?" to "10"...why yes I have finished writing this!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the 7 more to come! Please feed the Author in comments and kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm hoping to make this short and sweet m a y b e around 10 or so chapters, but I always go overboard so we shall see. Always make sure you let me know what you think! Please feed the Author in comments and kudos!


End file.
